The dog!

This morning while we were waiting the school bus, a man with the dog came by the children. He let his dog kissed everything around the children. Yuck! I said to him, sumimasen, wan chan dame desu (excuse me, I mind about this dog). He didn’t response anything. His eyes watched me without any face expression! He is a man with down syndrome!

I got ALif to move away from the dog, but it was to late, the dog kissed his bag. Noooo! So I brought the bag home and wash it in special way. hiks hiks. Fortunately the bag was empty. Yesterday the bag was used to bring home many books and today should be returned to Alif’s locker at the class.

Japanese like dog very much. When they take their dogs for a walking, the owner has to clean up the dog feces and bring it home. The dogs also should be tied on its neck. Usually the owner will not let the dog come by the people and try to get their dog away from the people. So I was mad to a man who let his dog kissed the children this morning. The children like to play with the dog, and they (2-5 years old) would not understand how to threat the dog in a right way. The dog would attack the children then if it was disturbed.

I don’t hate a dog and I also teach ALif not to be afraid of the dog. But he has to know if we have to avoid the mouth and nose area of a dog. He used like the dog very much when he was 1-2 years old, but now he always say kowai (afraid) when he meet a dog

Lion seul

Alif like this Lion Seul dancing. He asks me to be the dog and he is the hippo, or its contrary. The file’s size about 4.6 MB

Desperated house wife

This August would be my 6th wedding anniversary. The first 5 years of our marriage is the hardest life that I ever had. Nobody know it except me and (sometimes) my husband too .

-A story before last year-

Our wedding ceremony was held only a few days before my master course session started. It was not a well-organized wedding party. We prepared it only in 1-2 weeks – it is very short times for Indonesia’s wedding style preparation. That time Ay was coming home for 3 weeks holiday, from his studied abroad. Though we had discussed about planning to get marry, 1-2 months before he was taking his holiday, it was very hard to make everything -about wedding preparation- simple. Nothing could be done before Ay’s family come to my parents to ask my permission to be their son’s bride, and then make an agreement about the wedding ceremony. And it was done 1 week before the wedding ceremony!

My and Ay’s friends helped so much. Elis sewed my wedding dress because all my friends said if I would never find the wedding dress in kid’s corner haha. Keukeu and her husband, Mas agung designed the wedding invitation and Ipi printed it out. Intan helped in recording the ceremony, Ester and Djati(her husband), and also Dni2eh, Ade, Donny, Abi and the others helped us too.

My hard life started since our first son, Alif, born. It was not a planning to have a child soon in our marriage . We planned it after I graduated my master course. But we gratefully received it as a great God gift, a door prize hehe, we called it. All our planning was canceled.

Taking care the baby while I was studying in univ was not easy to do. However my mother and my mother in law helpfully in taking care ALif, I still felt guilty if I had to leave him while I was working in the Lab. It made me hard to concern to my study. When I was in the lab, I remembered my baby. When I was at home, I remembered my research. Maybe it was because Ay was not with me and Alif, he was studying too in Japan. But finally I graduated

Moving to japan of course is a great thing. I and Ay could raise Alif together. Alif would meet her father every day. It was a pleasure at the first. But being at home everyday, without earn my own money, slowly but sure makes me crazy. It was not about money, but it was about my habit. It is really soooo shame if I have to use my husband salary for my self (it is different if I use it for the family). Although my husband will never mind if I spend much much much money from his salary for my own expenses and even he gave me a golden credit card (though in Japan credit card is not special thing hehehe), I still feel shame to use it. I felt guilty. I didn’t know, I felt like a useless person if I have to use or ask the other’s money even it was my husband’s. Before I got marry, I have no much money, but I could pay my own expenses. After I got marry, I earned my money from my part time job at univ, and also the scholarship, though my husband covered all the tuition fee hehe (at least, I still earned my own money to spend in my own way).

This feeling, really really made me crazy. May be it was the one of the reasons why I have the nightmare every day.

Living in Japan also makes me feel useless. I could not read and write and understand the Japanese. Sure it makes me hard to face my day. I have to depend on my husband or my friends who understand Japanese. Yes, I have to learn Japanese of course. But if I go to the Japanese class, who will take care Alif? Ay has uncertain work schedule weekly and monthly too . Yes, I really want to learn something about Japanese, as ikebana or Japanese handicraft. But again, who will take care ALif if I go to the class, and remember if the teacher will speak in Japanese ?

Besides, If I heard about my friends job, it was so jealousy. I was not an excellent student when I was studying at Univ, but I had planning how and where I would to work with my background education I had. I have no ambition to work hard, but I have an eager to have an interesting job.

Sure I never forget the job as a house wife and a mother. It is great and my God guarantee it. I know if I am a lucky woman. I know if in the world, there is so many unlucky people, even they have no food at all to eat for a couple days. I know I have to thank my God for my life.

But it was really really a hard years. The story above is not horrible to hear. But when the situation becomes complicated because of the other problem comes in the same times with this -useless and guilty- feeling, it was really made me crazy.

-A story after last year-

Slowly, I could say to myself if it is not a shame manner if I use my husband’s money for my own expenses. I remind my self if I marry him to join our way, so it means join the money too haha (with my money only zero Yen:P). I remind my self if my guilty feeling only makes my days dark. Just see the bright sides, I see everything in Alif and Adli growth. I have much time to write a blog haha.

Now, Ay has a regular work schedule weekly. So I could set my schedule too . I plan to take Japanese class in the evening after Ay back from his office. I plan to take some Japanese cultural class like ikebana. etc. So many plans and hopes in my eyes. They makes my days bright and useful

Ideology salesman

It is often, the ideology salesman-I mention them like this- knocks my door. Since ALif could open the door by his self, he always open it when someone knock it so I could not to choose again who will be accepted as a guest he he.

The one whom I have no interest to face it is ideology salesman. They are in some way, takes my time too much, forces me to read or to hear about them, and comes in wrong time. I have rejected them by saying if I don’t understand Japanese. But some of them, then show me the article in Indonesian ha ha. It is not a problem for me if they speak in polite manner, leave me soon after I said if I am not interested in, and offer about their religion like Christ or Buddha (I could say if I had already my own religion, so they don’t need necessary to offer me the other). But some of them speak in rude manner, keep trying to speak me though I said I dont understand Japanese, ask my phone number, ask to come again if my husband at home, says if the others Indonesian-moslem has been join it, and they offer their ideology that I know I will never waste my time only to know them further (they would say if it is for everyone from various religion background, etc) . I don’t know what is that, but my Japanese friends says if they are not religion, but they have a certain manner in praying.

The last ideology sales(wo)man came to my apartment was a nice person, lives near my apartment and she could speak English a little but her pronunciation is not to bad hehe, I mean it is not Japan version English so I understand what she spoke Like the others, she offered to check the bible etc. This time, I debated anything she said. I said if I have Quran to read so it is not necessary to read the other, I believe Islam as the truth, I believe Isa as Allah SWT messenger, I know Maria (Maryam) as Isa’s mother, I believe Abraham (Ibrahim AS) as Allah SWT messenger, and I believe if Isa AS was taken by Allah SWT to the heaven before he captured and hang on the cross.

She smiled. Me too.